i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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