oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
