i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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