i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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