We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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