You can't special order awesome
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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