We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They took my balls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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