Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You ruined the universe
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
