sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
