You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
