he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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