how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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