someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
