she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
