Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
