Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
