You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
