At least make sure they are 18
Why
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
