So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
