I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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