but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
