I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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