wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
