Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
