We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
