I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
