Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
