I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
