I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Shame - the story of my life.
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