Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
