OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
