my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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