He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They are going to name an STD after you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
