you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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