please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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