Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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