oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
