Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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