I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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