I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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