Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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