Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
