I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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