Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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