Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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