I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
vagina is talking i cant
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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