finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Found the puke drawer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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