You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
