I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
