She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
