Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
two words...techno handjob
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
