I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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