overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize