no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
