The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
