did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
