i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
