Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
