I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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