not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
