Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Who died my cat blue again?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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