Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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