Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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