I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
