shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she pinky promised me she was 18
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
