I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
