Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
