i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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