There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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