i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
