Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
