Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You took a bar mat shot.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
