Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
