so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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