So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
