mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
